Fill up your own cup and let them fall in love with the overflow.
Yes, we do have Harry Styles to thank for that quote!
Whether you’re a Styles fan or not, no truer words have ever been spoken.
You can watch the clip of him saying it here
After a rocky 2024 I am fully committed to filling up my cup to the very brim this year. I want this year to be all about me. I can’t wait to figure out what really brings me joy and do more of it in 2025!
This transition time around your thirties can bring about a lot of self-doubt, perceived failures, and generalised panic that you haven’t quite hit the milestones you think you should have. There is a lot of beauty to be had in this in-between. You haven’t quite got to where you’re going. But you have this path ahead of you that could truly lead anywhere. That is fucking exciting. A chance to re-write the script and write the next chapter of your dreams!
I intend to be thirty, flirty and thriving in 2025. It’s most definitely time to squeeze the juice from the lemon (it’s not going to squeeze itself).
Next is a list of things I plan to do in my thirtieth year around the sun to fill up my fucking cup:
✩ Start Therapy.
This is a big one. I’ve thought about it on and off for years, but I fell into the trap of feeling like nothing in my life was big enough and I wouldn’t have anything to talk about. I feared a therapist might wonder why I’m there (probably a reason I should have gone). And let’s be real, it’s also expensive!
But this time it feels like the right moment, and I can just about make it work financially. My therapist asked me last week why I wanted to start therapy, I told her about being thirty in a couple weeks and feeling lost (+ my recent break up/move) she said that it’s not uncommon for people to start therapy around big birthdays like thirty which made me feel better about being there in the first place.
It feels like I have the safety of starting therapy with the tether of discussing my break-up which feels like something I can openly talk about. The other deeper stuff, sort of psyche stuff, might be a bit trickier, I guess I’ll keep you posted.
✩ Focus on embracing and nurturing my feminine energy.
I mean this in broad terms. I’m not just talking about sexy lingerie (but I’m not opposed to treating myself to a new lacey set that I know absolutely no one will see). Instead, I finally got round to reading Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype by Clarissa Pinkola Estés. It had only been about 12 years since my mum gave me a copy as a teenager, and where I’d started reading but put it down about twenty pages in and gave up.
In the book, she encourages women to reconnect with their inner Wild Woman, through self-discovery and unwavering self-expression. She talks about living authentically and in line with your purpose. She talks about being brave. I guess writing in this Substack is my small act of creative bravery. There is a vulnerability in writing, which is healing. I’m feel like I’m getting closer to my Wild Woman when I write.
✩ Getting a new hobby.
So far, I’ve tried pole dancing, I’m not gonna lie, it was a lot harder than I anticipated. They make it look so easy. Like, sure, I knew I’d need some upper body strength, but I didn’t realise just how much. I was achingggg and not to mention the bruises (wtf). Also, my teacher is kind of mean? She just takes it very serious. So far, I’d rate that new hobby a 4/10. (flop!)
Luckily, I do have a few other hobbies I’m keen to try this year (besides writing this Substack, which definitely counts). In no particular order:
Painting: I’d really like to tap into my creativity more this year, so I’m going to buy a set of water colours and see how it goes. I’d also love to try life drawing classes this year.
Sewing: I have this fantasy of being able to use a sewing machine well and altering all my clothes or even making them. That would be so cool. My other sewing related fantasy: to make my own Tracey Emin inspired quilt. That’s the eventual dream.
Embroidery: This is sewing related still, and probably a lot easier than navigating learning how to use a sewing machine. But I’d love to try some hand embroidery this year.
Learning a language: I really want to start learning another language this year. It’s happening! Don’t they say learning another language is like, learning another way to think about things? I love that idea.
Okay this seems like a long list - but I’m trying to aimlessly doom scroll less this year and focus on self-improvement instead with my newfound alone time.
✩ Foster more small interactions with strangers
I work from home, so I don’t naturally have a lot of daily interactions in the week. I also find social settings with new groups quite difficult. My MO was always to drink through it, but now that I can no longer rely on that crutch it can feel overwhelming at times.
I am famously terrible at small talk (again, unless I’ve had a drink and I’m the chattiest/loudest in the room). My social awkwardness became glaringly obvious to me when I signed up for a PRET coffee subscription a couple of years back.
For anyone who doesn’t know, you basically pay a subscription fee each month and then you are able to go into any PRET and get up to five *free* coffees a day. I’m not a lunatic; I’d only get one a day (which still equalled out to £1 a coffee) - but I made it my morning ritual every day. Same time, same place. And naturally I saw the same faces behind the counter. We hardly ever had an encounter beyond saying hello. They knew my order off by heart at this point. And we still didn’t get into chatty conversation. It made me feel sad.
Asking a simple ‘How are you?’ to the Barista felt overwhelmingly difficult, and once you get into a two-year groove it’s very hard to randomly start chatting. I wondered about if they think I’m unfriendly, they must do. Making the first move seemed so ridiculously hard - like, seriously, thirty years (almost) on this planet and I still haven’t figured out how to strike up a conversation with a stranger. Please! No more in 2025!
So, when I moved areas, I made a pact with myself that the next coffee shop I decide will be my spot - I will chat to them. I will ask them how there day is going. It sounds so silly.
These are the small interactions in life, that are so important. You never know when you might need them to sustain you. After all, we all crave human connection. Sparking up a small interaction with the barista now gives me the same fuzzy feeling as when someone says my name out loud (Do I sound like a narcissist?).
I have a few more plans for fulling up my cup this year, but I may have to do another newsletter on those for now.
But first, how are YOU going to fill up your cup?
x
Nobody takes themselves as seriously as pole dancers (and that’s not a bad thing)!